After my Vipassana course I actually ended up in hospital suffering from Mania. It passed very quickly and I felt fine again after a week.
I believe the course was worth the hospital stay. Actually it was quite pleasant - free food, free accommodation and I even had en suite for the first few days! Excellent :)
It brings me on to the point of this post. When I first read up on what Vispassana was all about it talked about an egoless state. Now, I (ME ME ME) has always been quite attached to my ego. But I realise now what an egoless state is - and the benefit of being in such a state.
Your ego is your projection of yourself onto others.
I want
You to have a particular opinion of ME. And so I shape myself to make you see what I want you to - so that you will like me.
Pretty dumb idea really, as if it turns out that you don't like my projection then you can hurt ME through my ego. Does that make sense?
Some people wrote to me after I had posted on my personal blog - to say they hoped I was ok - and well done for posting about it. Because there's a stigma attached to mental illness. But I wasn't afraid to say what happened.
You see, what I learned is that
if you have a problem with me, then that is *your* problem. I am trying to live a good life - and just do good things - and if you have a problem with that - then there's really not much I can do about it!
So I am not scared to say what I am feeling any more - because I am happy with myself and so I do not need to project a fake me to win acceptance or appreciation!